So last night I had this crazy idea to try making tofu from scratch after watching some dude on TikTok do it with just soybeans and lemon juice. Figured it couldn't be that hard right? Spoiler alert: it was chaos.
Getting Started
Dug out half a bag of dried soybeans from the back of my pantry - expired last month but whatever. Soaked those bad boys for like 2 hours instead of the recommended 12 because I'm impatient. They looked kinda swollen so I went for it.
Blended the beans with water until it looked like nasty milk soup. Poured that mess through an old t-shirt into my biggest pot. Squeezed the cloth so hard my knuckles went white trying to get all the "soy milk" out.
The Disaster Part
Heated the liquid real slow like the video said. When steam started rising, I dumped in lemon juice like my life depended on it. At first nothing happened. Added more juice. Still nothing. Got pissed and squeezed three whole lemons in there.
Suddenly the whole thing turned into lumpy cottage cheese floating in yellow water. Panicked and tried straining it through the same t-shirt. Curds went everywhere - my stovetop looked like a dairy crime scene.
Saving Grace Attempt
Scooped what I could into a plastic takeout container. Weighed it down with canned tomatoes. Waited an hour praying for miracle tofu. What came out was this crumbly, sour mess that made my cat sniff it and walk away.
Tried frying some anyway. Stuck to the pan like cement. Tasted one piece: like eating a lemon soaked in wet cardboard. Rest is sitting in my fridge like a science experiment.
What I Learned
- Bean expiration dates matter way more than I thought
- Patience isn't optional - shortcuts make garbage
- My t-shirt now permanently smells like sad soybeans
- Cats have better taste judgment than me
Would I try again? Hell no. Next time I'm buying that shit pre-made at Trader Joe's like a normal person. Sometimes DIY just ain't worth the pain.
